"it’s crazy to think of how many identities i’ve been through in high school and yet here i’m so static” "how do you think you can change that" "i have to leave this place. i think living in an apartment affects me too much. i want to live by myself. i don’t want any strings attached. i always have this knack to be alone" "i bet you’d like it. its good loneliness." "it’s healthy loneliness"
"HEY omg i feel like we haven’t chatted online in yearrrrrssss. i’ve been thinking about all the times we used to hang out and i always do, but i always get nostalgia in a bad way, yanno? but i was looking back and so happy that we were best friends and had soooo much fun, so i wanted to tell you that :)" "awwww yes whenever you text me i always start to miss childhood :( like… the best times of my life. i had amazing times with everyone, but because you and i always keep in touch, it feels more real. and those are the memories that i always think of first" "awwww you’re like the only person i still even talk to. it’s crazy to look at other people’s lives and they’re such strangers to me. i don’t even know ____ and ___ anymore." "i mean, its important to move on and travel and experience, but your past will never change so i think its good that we still have that in our memories. i feel like she just goes back, and relives her past everytime she visits new mexico"
people are so concerned with what they’re going to do with their lives. people are so scared they’re never going to find love. people want so much from the world. people expect so much from themselves. i want to tell you a secret. you’re always going to end up somewhere that makes you happy. you’re always going to do something that you love. and if you ever, ever settle for less. stop it. find something that you love. your life will always fall into place one way or another.
"And the greatest part about it is, they notice when I’m upset. It’s a funny thing, being close friends with the opposite sex - you rarely talk about your feelings - and it’s kind of better that way. For me, anyway. You have conversations about other things, and it’s nice to be distracted, to have fun, to stop thinking about everything in my own head for an hour or two. But the thing is, they can tell. And when it’s another guy whose done the hurting, they get protective - like an older brother would. It’s probably my favorite part about having guy friends." -daphneemarie
saw this on my dash. yesterday i spent an hour with your facebook tab open and your number flashing on my phone. i was supposed to talk to you, i was supposed to call you. but i didn’t. i’m not brave enough. i’m afraid of mending things and ruining them again, because i tend to do that, don’t i? i miss you because we had fun. i miss you because you saw through me. i miss you because you cared about me despite how much of an asshole you were. i miss you because you would constantly try to fix us, even when i had hated you and didn’t want to speak another word to you. i miss you because you challenged me. i miss you because you could tell when i didn’t feel okay, and you would sit there, questioning me, looking at me, making me feel uncomfortable. but i needed that.
you know you’ve met someone special when no one can replace them, even if they’re not in your life anymore, because the memories of them still outweigh the reality.
Your post about how people don't do what they want...It was inspiring...asking the guy I like soon to be more than just friends :3 Even if he doesn't want to be, at least I'll know :D I'm cool with being friends with him but I think more would be great so I hope if he doesn't want more that we can stay friends the way we are now.
aw!! yay! this makes me happy :) i mean everything is always understandable, and excuses are always tolerable. but when you honestly look back, there are always so many “what if’s” that aren’t even really that scary. it’s just the build-up. and when you do something that seems terrifying at the same, it’ll be refreshing afterward. and you’ll look back and be glad you did it :) good luck, and i hope everything works out for both favors!
i want school to be over so i can travel. so i can move around from city to city without a place to call home. most people are frightened by the thought of leaving home. being thousands of miles away from home doesn’t bother me. i feel disconnected from an old reality as i step into a new world. i lived on the east coast for twelve years. i’ve traveled around the east coast, as west as illinois, as south as georgia. and when i moved to new mexico, i had perpetually travelled to california, arizona, texas, and colorado. key club was a privilege. it had let me travel to so many places within each state, and each place held its secrets and memories.
i want to fly to the east coast again to see what it’s like, to see what’s changed. i want to live in san francisco. i want to live in europe. i want to be anywhere. i never want to be still.
i understand the beauty of escape, and if you ever want to escape, i would never stop you, as long as you were happily escaping. because i understand the feeling when you’re confined to a place that feels a snowglobe, trapped. you stay in a place too long and you begin to lose yourself. ever since i was a kid, i’ve loved new beginnings. i don’t like when i start to adapt. i don’t like the feeling of when a town seems less than fascinating to you. things start to get boring. and when things start to get boring, you start to see the world for less than it is.
and yet none of us try. because it requires too much effort, because it’s so much easier to stay in this default state of dissatisfaction.. that we can’t see ourselves being anything greater. because these are the eyes we see through and we’d hate to make them clearer, because that’d be too easy. because it almost seems as soon as we become happy, it almost seems a little too dangerous, a little too much of the unknown, something we’re not used to. because we’re afraid. because we don’t want to risk the idea knowing that we are capable of being this happy, this free. because we don’t want to know that our happiness can be stripped in a blink of an eye, that our happiness can disappear as soon as it appears. because we’re scared of anything that isn’t guaranteed.. compared to our misery.
the misery we carry with us doesn’t make us strong. it’s easy to hold onto such a forceful emotion. i’ve always been a firm believer in positive psychology, but sometimes i lose sight of what’s right. in a society where things will always gets worse before they better, you have to learn to defy it all. it’s easy to walk away from a situation. it’s hard to look at a situation with some hope.
too many of us wait. they say for every 10 years, you’ll have spent 7 of them waiting. what a tragedy. too many of us think happiness will one day be knocking on our door. the secret to happiness isn’t so difficult. the secret to happiness is optimistic persistence, to constantly see past the terrible and see the glimpse of light peeking through the hole. someone who has a perfect life isn’t happy. they’re content. to truly enjoy life is a luxury, and we have to remember that we’re all flawed, and that the people around us are flawed, and that the society is flawed.
and if you want to be happy, then be. but remember, happiness will never be waiting for you. you’ll have to search for it and hold onto it. and even if you lost grasp of it, it’s okay. because that’s better than most people. just go out there and find it again. maybe you left it in a place closer than you thought.
because in my mind, i’m convinced you will, we’re going to find a playground that isn’t the central gathering for drugdealers and swing as high as we can on the swings, and we’ll go to the beach at night and scream as loud as we can, and then we’ll hitchhike back onto campus and run under bridges and go to meadows. and the next morning we’ll go downtown in the bright sunshine and talk to random strangers and laugh until our stomachs hurt and until our spines ache because we’ll be collapsed on the ground. and we’ll take the bus around in circles until they force us to leave.
i’ve always heard the phrase, “you know you’re comfortable with someone when awkward silences aren’t awkward” and it’s true. but i like it even better when you spend time with someone and there isn’t a minute when you aren’t laughing together. truly letting go and being genuinely happy.
we’re going to meet up and nothing is going to be different. we’re going to see each other and everything will be better than it ever was. and we’ll look at the past few years and wonder how we could’ve survived without each other. and we’ll be happy together. and we won’t cry anymore, we won’t be alone anymore. we’ll have each other like we always did.
i often find that people lack motivation, balance, and spontaneity.
if you want to do something, then do it. if you want to do both things even if they’re contradicting, then do it. if you want to do something dangerous, then do it. too often i see that people are so reluctant and full of excuses. i am too, it’s easier that way. if you want to travel, you’re going to need money. if you dont have money, you’re going to need to get a job. if you’re in college, you don’t have to be superhuman to be able to have both a social life and still achieve academically. you can have your cake and eat it too. i observe so many people - my friends, acquaintances, myself - and we’re always constantly making sacrifices. don’t let the grass be greener on the other side. be standing on that grass. people who are psychologically healthy are flexible and adapt well to change.
"i’m currently at work right now and there’s this window that overlooks part of campus. everytime i see a student pass by, i wanna yell random shit and throw rocks at them. if you were here, we would do that wouldn’t we LOL…we could never work together. we’d find a way to accidentally burn the place down" "LOL YEAH AND DUMP MILK. we’d be soo destructive" "LMAO DUDE you always reply to my texts with something even greater! do you remember that apple pie and we were making the dough and trying to mold it around the pan and it started to like…CRACK AND DRY UP LOL” "LOL YEAH and we would aim until 2am because we were procrastinating for bacas class" "and cry the next morning because our printer wouldnt print. WORST DECISION EVER. we could never be roommates. like we’d get into bed and it’d be silent and we would just randomly start laughing at the same time..might as well drop out of college" "LOL we could throw great parties though. we could make a living as party planners."
wrote this years ago with those number blogs lol. when i was 16, i met the cutest college boy :D
remember when i was sitting outside one lonely night, upset, and you came up to me, and asked me what was wrong? and do you remember that was the first day you met me, but you saw right through me? do you remember when i was upset and we sat together and a tear fell and brushed against your cheek and you told me that "you should never cry over someone who doesn’t care about you as much as you care about them"
wrote this to some best friends once :) i'm so cute!
I woke up and thought of you! I thought about us and everything we’ve been through, and so much more we’ll go through in our lives. I suddenly felt that I had so much to tell you, so much you have to know in order to understand where I come from and where this will lead me in the future. I thought of all our happy memories … and all our not so happy memories. And other memories, all memories comprised of who we are. And it’s all just starting to flash in my mind now! And this is what I realized.
I love making you smile. I love making you laugh. I love when you are happy, truly happy, even though I only see it once in a while. I love when you love life. I love when you feel important, because you are, more than you will ever know. I love the little things you do that make my world go around. I’m sorry if I’ve never told you this before, but you are so special to me. You are going to be so successful in life, you are going to touch the lives of so many, and you are going to make a difference. You’ve already made a difference in my life, but I know you will do such a bigger impact on the world. I hope I never lose you. Don’t ever let anybody put you down, even yourself. Remember that I love you, that others love you, and that your family loves you. Most importantly, that you love yourself. I wish the word “love” could express all the words I want to say, and convey all the feelings I have, but it doesn’t. This is a never-ending love, I hope you know that. I think about you everyday, and sometimes you’re in my dreams.