"i like raving, but i don’t like a lot of ravers. i feel like a lot of people lose themselves in the rave scene. it’s sad :(" "rave scene?" "it’s the people who go to hella raves and roll every weekend and it’s their life basically. there are a lot of 15-16 year olds (kandi kids) who get sucked in. it’s the empty, dark side of e. the people who were always kinda the odd one out and then they go to a rave and try e and feel accepted, like they belong for once."
i've written about this multiple times, but i'm going to write about it again.
it’s easy to think that the people who seem to have their lives planned out have it the easiest. it’s easy to think they have all the connections to a successful future. it’s easy to think that having “everything” is better than those who are struggling to find their path, and it’s easy to think that those who know what they want to do and who they are don’t struggle with themselves.
i’ve been praised countless times for kicking ass in school and tentatively graduating early and wanting to go to the east coast for graduate school.
i don’t know anything, and i don’t know what i want to do with my life. and i’m okay with that. i’m 19, and i shouldn’t have to feel the pressure of deciding what i want to do. the world is full of possibilities. and being a psychology major, my career options are broader than most. i want to go to the east coast, but that still gives me a range of states. and who knows? i could stay here in california, or i could be across the world, or i could be somewhere completely new and unexpected. i want to graduate early because i think there is so much to explore, not because i have my life planned out. i want to give myself as much time as possible to see the world by crunching time now. because in life, you do have to make sacrifices for what you want. i work at a child developmental lab because i want experience, not because i know this is the field i want to go into. i’m just taking whatever options i can get. i kick ass in school because i don’t want to have to worry about getting into graduate school or getting a job in the near future. i’m securing my future by securing my present, even though i have no direction.
because in life, you should never limit your path. you should explore all paths given to you, even those that veer off course, because those are the best. you discover yourself the most when you reach unexpected turns, because they test you, and that’s when you learn what you’re made of.
"i don’t want to be happy. happiness is not always appropriate. i want to be content with my life, accept things and be fine with them and know that whatever happens, i’ll be able to deal with it because i accept it." "i could never be always happy. i would grow bored. you need balance. that’s what i like about myself. because i’m capable of feeling elation and depression but i’m still satisfied, because it allows me to be real." "i go through extremes but i understand them and remain levelheaded. i think it would suck to not be that way."
it must be nice to know that someone cares about you.
it must be nice to know that someone cares about you as much as you care about them, maybe even more. it must be nice to have that closeness with someone and to know they’re not going to leave, at least soon. it must be nice to know that someone’s compassion for you isn’t temporary, that it’s real despite such a superficial society. it must be nice to know that someone loves you.
“He wanted all to lie in an ecstasy of peace; I wanted all to sparkle and dance in a glorious jubilee. I said his heaven would be only half alive; and he said mine would be drunk: I said I should fall asleep in his; and he said he could not breathe in mine.”—Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights (via quote-book)
“…people universally tend to think that happiness is a stroke of luck, something that maybe will descend upon you like fine weather if you’re fortunate enough. But that’s not how happiness works. Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it, you must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it. If you don’t, you will leak away your innate contentment. It’s easy enough to pray when you’re in distress but continuing to pray even when your crisis has passed is like a sealing process, helping your soul hold tight to its good attainments.”— Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray and Love (via quote-book)
there is so much i want to learn. there are so many places i want to visit, to live, and to outgrow, and to miss, and to return to. there are so many books i want to read. there are so many thoughts i want to write down. there are so many opportunities. there are so many people i want to meet, to know, to love, to understand. there are so many families i want to see. there is so much i want to buy. i want to sleep, but i want to live. i want to change the world and touch lives, but i want to stay in and read a good book as i eat homemade soup. i want to meet so many new people, but i want to spend time with a best friend. i want to travel, but there is no other feeling like the comfort of home. i want to be so much more intelligent than i am now, but there’s some bliss in being naive. there are so many people i want to be, so many feelings i want to feel.