Oh okay. How do you do that? Apologize to an xSTP? Mhm, I know, you can’t put people in boxes because everyone is unique. I wanted to know more about how she functioned. Ah okay, thank you. Thank you so much for listening to an anon's personal issues and offering very good advice! I've also looked through your blog. It is a really great, awesome, abdsfgjdgfklfksfjdk blog.
how do you do what? display it through your actions? you’ll have to figure that for yourself :)
and thank you! that’s very kind of you!! and no problem. i’m here :)
I ask this *STP what bothers them and they say that I should “just forget about it.” Oh okay. Maybe, I’m not sure., sorry. How? I always say sorry to this *STP but this person’s never said “it’s okay,” or anything like that. This person said sorry once but I think only be cause a mutual friend of ours, an ENFJ, told us to, and even gave us scripts on what to say! Lol. I said sorry and meant it though for some reason. We conversed today and joked with each other but we’re not friends at all.
that’s very common for an XSTP to say. they generally don’t care if you say sorry and don’t really want a verbal apology. they want you to be able to prove them through actions. just remember that apologizing and trying to understand people is not always valid through MBTI types. just know them as a person and go with your gut and try not to find how to work with people just through MBTI types. it seems that’s what you are doing. you know the person more so than i do, your enfj friend as well. i advise talking to either of them
Ultimately, we are responsible for how we lead our lives. We can find excuses. We can say society limits us. We can say our friend circles prevent us from feeling like we belong, we can say it is because of our past that shapes us who we are now. We can blame it on past relationships that have ended terribly. And yes, all of these factors and thensome affect who we are now. But should it dictate how we approach the future? Everything in life shapes you, but nothing in life determines who you are.
It’s astonishing the excuses we create for ourselves. We have the power to convince ourselves to the point where we actually believe it. How awful is that? Our power is in our hands, it’s always been in our hands, but we create these illusions that we are confined by external forces. And then we take away what makes us human - feeling alive, the ability to change for the better, real happiness. We are frightened of admitting that our lives are a result of our own mental setbacks. But we can change. In an instant. We really can. You just have to be brave. It is just the first step. It is having the courage to take that step to deal with what we keep hidden from others, even from ourselves. It is leaving fear behind and welcoming vulnerability. We must break in order to prosper. We must be open to facing our darkness in order to feel our lightness. And will our lives end up worse than it was before? No, it will be better.
How awful it must be to suck yourself into a realm where you have accepted defeat over oneself. Do you really….do you really want to live like that?
We are such divine, precious creatures, and we have the ability to be either destructive or inspirational. We can either be frightened or we can embrace it. Haven’t you always wanted to be free from fear? Of course you have. So do it. Face your fears. You know you want to. You want to free of your own chains.
And so what do I advise that you do? I advise that you live. And I mean by truly being alive. Stop waiting. Stop pushing it off until tomorrow. Stop procrastinating the one aspect that brings spirit and love to your beautiful being. You want to feel loved and important? Love yourself first. Everything starts with you. Stop being so anxious all the time. Stop living in guilt and instead, live in freedom. Forgive yourself. See everyday as an opportunity to grow. Find liveliness, love, and hope…everywhere. Turn off the tv. Close your computer. Go outside. Try something new. Pick up on a old hobby. Talk to a stranger. Tell someone how much you love them. Believe in others. Inspire yourself so you can inspire others. Teach someone something. Go do that thing you’ve been meaning to do. Go on adventures. For once in your life, chase your dreams and don’t be afraid to fall.
Do something. Do anything. We need to wake up. We need to wake up now. Everything in life is designed to awaken us. You don’t want to wake up ten, twenty years from now and realize you’ve been half-asleep this whole time. Make your life into the one you’ve always wanted. Stop finding ways to brighten up your day and instead brighten up your life. You want hope? Here it is. You want a push? Here’s the shove you needed. You want a wake-up call? Well, I’m yelling.
“Being able to go inside of ourselves in order to know what our favored defenses are, where my particular triggers are, what makes me reactive, knowing what my childhood wounds are, knowing what my particular inferiorities might be, tendencies toward superiority, my shame. Knowing yourself really, really intimately.”—Ralph Quinn
How do you apologize to an *STP? What really hurts/offends an *STP? I make an *STP feel bad by things I do and I don't know how or why.
you should find out what irks them first and talk to them about it, because they will be direct and honest with you about what bothers them. they’re confrontational people. if you don’t know what upset them, the best way is to talk to them, otherwise you may never find out. i’ve been asked this question before by another anon..are you perhaps that same anon? XSTP’s can be resentful, so you really want to get your point across about what happened, they will forgive you and brush it off as if it doesn’t matter, but there is a high possibility that there are some feelings of resent happening underneath that they don’t know about (because they don’t like to deal with their feelings) but it will show in their actions and attitude towards you and how they talk about you to others
My pianist teacher wanted me to memorize the piece as fast as I can. I just wanted to take my time to listen to all the piano keys strum to the rhythms of my heart. I was the slowest learner in my ice-skating class. I just wanted to feel the blade glide against the smooth and delicate ice, but I was told to learn these tricks. My friends want to talk about how cute that boy is. I just want to talk about the unknowns in the universe. I’m told to construct an essay that accurately depicts the analysis of a poem that has no relevance to me or my future. I just want to write about my feelings in a disorganized manner and not have to worry about whether my sentences are fragmented or if it’s organized structurally. I’m supposed to get a bachelor’s degree but I can’t even pursue any careers that I want without going to graduate school. I just want to travel to little towns and visit antique stores and meet eccentric strangers. My parents want me to get good grades. I just want to discover the purpose of my being, if there is one.
I hate the process of absolutely everything. It’s all done incorrectly. The rush of it all. How artificial it is. We promote memorizing instead of learning, and we plant the idea in people’s heads that education is the only road to success. Why should I go to graduate school if only 10, maybe 15, scholars will read my research, after years of effort and sleep deprivation? It’s stupid. How confining it is. Grades are a reflection of one’s short term memory, not of one’s intellect and potential. It feels as if I have to follow a certain timeline in order to live the American dream. I don’t want the American dream. I want to live my dream. And why am I judged for following my own path? Judged for my own path full of setbacks and windy roads, but ultimately, the only road that I’d want to take?
My best friend from high school used to call me the bad egg of the Asians. It’s true, but I am not even a bad egg. I just decided I didn’t want to circle my life around grades and how to be the best. I knew that grades could never measure my worth, so why immerse myself in that environment? To take multiple AP tests in hopes that the college admissions would think I could be successful is ingenuine. It’s as if I’d be trying to compensate a lack of self-acceptance and appreication by trying to find acceptance in meaningless things like that. I didn’t get outstanding SAT scores and I didn’t take a flood of AP classes. It was simply a waste of my time. I’d much rather take developmental psychology at the community college across the street than enroll myself in AP Physics. So I did that. I was also offered a job at the Los Alamos National Laboratory where I could collect data and make 9.75 an hour. I could even have one of those cool badges, but I immediately rejected the offer. I didn’t even consider it. I wanted to stay at the job I had at the library where I only made 6.75, but I kept it. Why? Because I enjoy my boss, I like my co-workers, I like what I do, and I like the variety of innovating and eccentric kids I’m surrounded by. I like the openness to ideas and how dynamic it is. I like the liveliness of it all. I like how quiet it is. I like how each book is so full of life. I like seeing families. I like the arts and crafts. Call me crazy, but I didn’t want to be trapped in a cubicle for 40 hours a week. I’d rather make less money as long as what occupied so much of my day was what I enjoyed. It corresponded wiih all of my beliefs, my values, my feelings. And I could never trade that for more money. And is this silly? Absolutely. But I’ve liked silliness.
One way or another, everything implicitly has a deadline. Because that’s how our world works, we have time limits for everything. It drives me crazy, because I want to feel limitless. Because..I do feel limitless, but society tells me this isn’t the correct way. There is not enough time in the world for me to file all of my thoughts, to understand all these overwhelming emotions, and to interact with people on an intimate level. There is never enough time for to find out what I what to do with my life, and actually come to a decision right away and feel content with it. Life changes so fast. I’m changing so fast. How am I going to be able to sign a piece of paper contracting myself to an organization for at least a year if I don’t even know where I’m going to be in a month? Can I explore my options first? Why do we press the issue of perfecting ourselves through grades and good first impressions when we don’t even know the roots of who we are? We’re lost and feeling rushed because we’ve never been given the time to understand ourselves. We’re taught that being unconventional means you’re the strange one. We emphasize all this objectivity when what should drive us to success is passion and meaning. Passion for what? Meaning in what? That’s for us to figure out, but do we ever have the time? I just want to be able to move at the pace that I want, not the pace I have been instructed to. Because if I am able to move at my own liking, I am able to find all this passion, and I will be able to centralize it into something that I would enjoy. And through all this passion, through all this dedication and drive, I could maybe, just maybe find my purpose. But instead, society stresses the opposite. Find a job, and if you’re lucky, you’ll enjoy it. Even worse, we are conditioned to multitask. To go to college and figure what we want at the same time. I have met so, so many undeclared majors and I can just see the indecisiveness in their facial expressions, the facial expression that indicates time is running out for them and they have one more semester to decide the path for the next three years.
Why don’t we find what we enjoy first? Why don’t we take time off from this busy world and dive into our inner worlds and discover what drives us? Do you even know that you have an inner world? Find what you love. Really love. And when we find that…then we make it into a career.
And I know..I know that I will never indeed find my true purpose, something so definitive and determining, because life is always rearranging, and I’m always constantly redefining who I am and what I want. I will never reach a destination, but I keep going in the direction that my heart tells me to. But I don’t want to be hindered on this journey. And so. so I won’t be. And so what do I focus on to keep this journey going?
I’m focused on being intrinsically motivated. And am I? Yes, more than anything. That’s why I struggle, because there is so much I want to do, so many talents I want to learn. I won’t let my life be reduced to a series of stepping stone that I have to fulfill in order to feel useful. I hate the social clock and I hate social norms. And it isn’t that I have no drive… it is the very reason that because I have so much drive that I am so confused.
And do I enjoy this confusion? Do I enjoy not knowing?
Uncertainty is beautiful. Stop trying to secure your life.
“In some fundamental sense we cannot learn how to have relationships, how to raise children, how to be human, if you will, because it is the very condition of not knowing, of being vulnerable to and surprised by life, of being unable to manage and control our lovers, our children, or our organizations, that makes us most human. When we learn how to have a romance it is no longer a romance but a seduction. To regard it as a problem to be solved is to rob it of its essential humanity.”—Richard Farson
“I beg young people to travel. If you don’t have a passport, get one. Take a summer, get a backpack and go to Delhi, go to Saigon, go to Bangkok, go to Kenya. Have your mind blown. Eat interesting food. Dig some interesting people. Have an adventure. Be careful. Come back and you’re going to see your country differently, you’re going to see your president differently, no matter who it is. Music, culture, food, water. Your showers will become shorter. You’re going to get a sense of what globalization looks like. It’s not what Tom Friedman writes about; I’m sorry. You’re going to see that global climate change is very real. And that for some people, their day consists of walking 12 miles for four buckets of water. And so there are lessons that you can’t get out of a book that are waiting for you at the other end of that flight. A lot of people—Americans and Europeans—come back and go, Ohhhhh. And the light bulb goes on.”—Henry Rollins (via thecollectedintellect)
I always tell him, “Thank you for everything” but these words could never amount to all of that has happened. I used to think I turned over a new leaf in December, but the changes that have happened since February even make that growth seem so microscopic. How do you thank someone who has erased your insecurities? How do you thank someone who helps you believe in love? How do you thank someone who heals all the corners of your heart? How do you thank someone who repairs all of the dusty damaged parts of you that have resonated with you so deeply for years?
How do you thank someone who inspires you to deal with all of the dark demons that you’ve kept locked away in a tall tower that you never planned on finding the key to?
I hate when you put aside a couple hours to take a nap and you’re really excited and then you wake up 20 minutes later, alert and perked. And all you want to do is sleep and cuddle in your blankets and it’s not even possible.
“Somebody loves you if they call you out on your bullshit. They’re not passive, they don’t just let you get away with murder. They know you well enough and care about you enough to ask you to chill out, to bust your balls, to tell you to stop. They aren’t passive observers in your life, they are in the trenches. They have an opinion about your decisions and the things you say and do. They want to be a part of it; they want to be a part of you.”—(via thankfulforsunshine)
I don’t think I’ve been this certain kind of upset in a while.
Things are so ironic in life.
I hate when I give people the benefit of the doubt all the time. I hate when I am so understanding of others that I actually can’t even see the reality of it all.
A friend of mine asked me why I’m so understanding all the time and why I put everyone before I do. I guess this is what it means. I will always unconditionally care for someone even if they don’t. I don’t do this give and take contingency. And the worst part is? I still understand. I just don’t want to. But I don’t have the heart to be anything else.