Everyone wants me to go to graduate school. I think I am meant for too many things and I’m not sure how to balance them all. Or..maybe it is that I balance them too well. Who knows?! I want to live a thousand lives - I really do. I am the girl that bakes and cooks and there is never enough time to make everything that I want. I am the girl that has never had a job in which I have not interacted with children, because there is never enough time to escape into children’s thinking and to enjoy the simplicity of being carefree. I am the girl that reads, who sits in her bed and thinks, but there is never enough time to organize my thoughts, to read all the books that are collecting dust on my shelf. I am the girl that parties and raves, that finds sheer excitement in being in an environment that defies reality, but there is never enough money, recovery time, and brain cells for me to live a life like that. I am the girl that loves one-on-one conversations, yet there is nothing that I enjoy more than instantly becoming friends with strangers at a party.

I am the girl that is studious, and yet I am the girl that is crazy. I don’t know which one I am. I think I’m both. I think that sucks as far as making long-term decisions in the future.

I want to learn. I want to go to graduate school. Right after I graduate? No. A few years afterward? Maybe. Who knows. I’m completely content with the amount of knowledge I have and how much I absorb. An education cannot defy that.

A couple days ago at a party I was talking to a guy and I asked if he went to UC Santa Cruz or Cabrillo College. And he said, “I’m not in school. I hate school. But I love learning!” And I said, “Have you ever heard the quote, ‘The only thing getting in the way of my learning is my education’” His face lit up, and then we immediately clicked and went from there.

I just want to learn and I just want to be. Societal pressure is too confining. I’m glad I’m not confined by it.