Saturday night, well I guess, Sunday morning, one of my friends was taking shrooms for the first time. She is one of the most outgoing and cheerful people I know, and yet she is very closed with her emotions. However, for having seen me only two times before Saturday, she told me that she trusted me and that she felt closer to me than most people she had known for years. She had been on shrooms for a while and I could tell there was something wrong, but I didn’t want to interject because I wanted to give her space and because I had no idea how to handle people on shrooms.
At one point in the night, she just kept getting worse. She was around people she had known for years, people she had referred to as best friends. One of her best friends went up to her and tried to talk to her, another friend who was on shrooms as well and had tripped multiple times. But all of a sudden she started crying. I didn’t hear it or see it. My back was to her but I knew something was wrong. I could feel it. I turned and saw her eyes fill with sorrow and I could see the gleam in her eyes in a dark room. I immediately pushed her friend aside. She muttered the words, “my head just feels so heavy.”
I held her hands, sat next to her in a pretzel style, and put my forehead against hers. I said, I am next to you because I want you to have my support. I am holding your hand because I want you to know I’m here. My forehead is against yours because I want you to feel whats in my mind. At any point, you may push me away or pull me closer in any or all of the aspects, I will understand. And this is how it started.
I told her she needed to acknowledge what was in my mind. My calm mentality. My happiness, serenity, sense of identity, compassion, and most importantly, love. I told her to tell me when she could feel that, not necessarily feel it for herself, but for her to acknowledge those feelings exist. She said, “okay.” Then I told her she was going to walk on a path. A path that she did not know where she was going, but she had to get on that path. It was vital. Because her mind was so tangled and out of reach. I told her to tell me when she could see this path. She gave me the okay sign and this is where it really began.
I told her to walk. Walk slowly on this path. Walk with confidence. It didn’t matter what was wrong. There is no need to solve what was wrong, I told her that. I told her to give me the okay sign when she could feel a sense of pride and confidence in her footsteps. I told her to tell me when the path seemed to have a light at the end. She gave me the okay sign. And then I said, “This is your choice now. I can’t help you with anything else. I’ve shown you the feelings you need to help you get to the end of that path with what’s in my mind. You also have confidence with you. This is all you now, but I’m here to support you.” and there was a long moment of silence and then she squeezed my hands and pushed against my forehead. And that’s when I knew. I said, “You can see the light.” and she said, “Yes.” and I said, “Run” and she kept squeezing my hands and I said, “Faster. You’re almost there.” And then, the best thing happened.
She released her hands and looked up at me with the biggest smile of relief. A smile that I had never seen before..in anyone for that matter.
She said to me, “I feel so..light. Something that I’ve never felt before.”
And then her friends turned to me and said, “How did you do that?” I told them I didn’t know. They asked me if I did this to people on shrooms all the time. And I said I didn’t. I said this was the first time I’ve ever done something. And they asked me how I knew what to do. I told them I didn’t. It was just an intuitive kind of thing, because I knew her mind, body, and environment were disconnected.
Ten minutes later she was holding my hand. And I said, “you don’t do this often, do you? Let your guard now.” And she replied with, “Holding hands..it’s more than just..” And I said, “It is more, if you let it be. You can see it as an action, or something that contains so much intimacy and love.” And she then said, “It’s..it’s an opportunity. You’re giving me the chance to meet you halfway, and I decide what I want to do with all the feelings that are in your hand. I can feel them if I want.” and I smiled.
Ten minutes later she turns me to and says, “I know what was at the end of the path now.” and I said, “What?” She says, “That emotions are important. You were right. You couldn’t tell me what was there because I had to figure it out on my own. I don’t know how you did it. But I see you differently. I…I see you differently. You’ve changed me.”
The morning of, I could tell she was different. It had seemed that she had shed a layer of herself away and that she had grown into something so beautiful, she could never even imagine herself being so.
