i don’t really see it is as someone who doesn’t love me back. it’s hard to elucidate to this feeling without trying to explain all the details of it because i’m going to want to. i am lucky to love a person like him. never in this lifetime would i have thought that i would love someone on the level that i do for him (and anybody who knows me can easily tell you that), and yes, it’s silly, right, because i’ve never been with him nor have i seen him. i’ve seen him once in over the past 4 months, but i think that’s what makes it real. i don’t know what makes it real actually, i just know that i love him. and maybe yes, i could love someone else more than him, and that i will meet someone who i love in a different way than i do for him, i’m completely open to that. but it never be the same, like, in this way. you meet someone and everything completely changes, and you change along with that. for those have met him and for those who very close to me, which are 2-3 people, they have seen the change in me. and it’s not that i’ve become a completely different person, it’s just that i’m no longer afraid to show who i am underneath, to express what i feel, to have the courage to say what i want.
it doesn’t matter that he doesn’t love me back. he isn’t being an asshole, he isn’t being ungrateful, it isn’t that i am not being cherished. i am just lucky to have met a person like him, and i can only wish that i will bump into him in the future and start over. it’s just that he met me at a time in my life where everything was perfect, and he had taught me how to be fearless, and it kind of just went over the top. but i can’t see what i did as mistakes, as regrets, because it’s exactly what i wanted at the time. and i knew the consequences going into all of this, but sometimes, you do whatever it is you need to do for love. although, i do believe i will see him in the future, it feels real now, that he is no longer trying to actively avoid me. i’ll just have to wait for that time.
if you love with the expectation of being loved in return, you should take a deeper look inside of you. we do not love to be loved back. we just love. that’s all. there are no connotations tied to it, that’s true, genuine, selfless love.
but i have hope, always, despite if we turn out into something more or something less, because the mere fact that i get to experience such limitless love for one another is absolutely enough. i don’t want to love in return. i don’t love to be loved back. i don’t live to have the love returned to me. i’m just grateful, i’m absolutely endlessly appreciative that i get to feel this level of love for someone else and that i have no regrets against what i feel and who i am as a result of this and who i became as a result of him not keeping in contact with me