“I’ll make friends, don’t despair”
“Your charm will only last you so long”

Is this a challenge. 

“Does she know how hard it is for you?”
“Probably. I mean it’s not hard for me because I adjust and adapt easily. She just needs a lot of time, regardless of whether we find a way to fully be in each other’s lives again.”
“But no matter how good you are at adapting, it’s still a lot. I wouldn’t have handled it better, I probably would have gone a little crazy on her if I were you.”
“Yeah but I can’t expect her to ‘be’ anything in my life, you know? It would be insincere. It’s just how I am, I’m very patient! All I can do is wait for people, I can’t force anything upon him, and acting out is selfish of me.”
“I know you can’t expect it but it’s hard for me to see it another way because the image I have for you two is the one from Tritonal at Ruby Skye.”
“That’s interesting that you mention Tritonal because everything started to change a week after that. There’s nothing I can do, you know? It’s funny because my other friend made the same parallel about asking if Bryan knew how hard it is for me and how I’m patient and understanding of everyone and giving everyone the benefit of the doubt. I’m just not very good at putting my emotions before others.”

The other day another friend from high school asked me how I am able to go 7 weeks without seeing Bryan, and I said you just adapt. It doesn’t mean you appreciate the person less or you don’t like them anymore, you just learn the difference between a connection versus an attachment.

But people keep mentioning it from the other point of view.

I’m just scared to miss people. And I’m tired of always missing people, because they are always doing so fine without me. So I am fine without them too, not out of defense, but just learning the other side of it.

It’s a way of adapting. And I hate expecting things out of others because then it’s what I want, it’s not what they want. Having and not having expectations are two sides of the same coin, except when you don’t have expectations of others, you are always happy for them even if it isn’t what you want. And you are genuinely happy for them because their emotions are just as, if not more, important than your own.

It’s a way of protecting others without protecting yourself. I believe that as long as the other person is happy in their lives, then it masks the fact that I could be sad about the situation.

Because people never miss me back.

And in high school, I spent years’ worth of missing people only for it to never be returned. So I just don’t want to feel like that way anymore.

I hate when my friends bring this into topic, because then I am just sad. :(

FUCK, I hate when people evoke sadness out of me. Because I am a happy person!! sdlkdlskf wah. My perspective will change soon :)

“Come live my life.”
“The average person would have died.” 

“Did I ever tell you how I accidentally drank too much and blacked out within 50 minutes?”
”-.- 50 minutes really Lucie. That’s a new low.”

“I reversed into a house”
“WHAT. A HOUSE. DID YOU DAMAGE IT”
“I also reversed into a parked car a few days ago…let me explain….”
”-.- please explain all”
“So now I made a sign, “note to self: do not hit cars. do not hit buildings. do not hit humans.” because one time I hit my housemate on accident….. my life. Human, building, or car? All of the above.”

This is actually my life.

“…Are you questioning my sanity?”
“Yes.” 

Me: “You’re a good person, I can see it in your eyes!”
Bryan: “Yeah?”
Me: “Yes! Wait. - Kelsey, isn’t he a good person? You can see it in his eyes.”
Kelsey” “Yeah I can see it in your eyes. It’s sincere.”
Bryan: “Hold on. Even like this?!”  -makes facial expression- 
Kelsey: “Yup!” 

I miss the car ride back from etd.love. Over 3 months ago. Shiiiiettt. :)

“I need to go get fucked up at bars when I’m 21. Maybe I’ll just be single.”

-silence-

“C’mon. IT’S BRYAN.” 

Can’t even fool myself…